Filipino Survey

Sagutan ang survey na ito ng purong tagalog lamang at walang halong ingles.

1. anong ayos ng buhok mo ngayon?
- magulo, buhok ng katatayo lang sa kama. di pa ako nagpapagupit eh.

2. kumusta na ang puso mo?
- tumitibok pa naman

3.may iniisip ka ba?
- oo.. kung may kakaibang abilidad ba ako na di ko pa natutuklasan

4.madali ka bang magalit?
- hindi, kaya wag niyong subukan kung paano ako magalit

5. kelan ka huling nakakita ng unggoy?
- 2005 sa subic

6. kelan ka huling uminom ng taho?
- nung Lunes

7. anong huli mong ininom?
- tubig

8. my crush k b ngayun??
- wala

9. single? taken? o reserved?
- reserved

10. kelan ka huling tumawa?
- kagabi

11. madali ka bang maimpluwensyahan?
- hindi

12. e may lakad ka ba mamaya?
- wala, may humiram ng motor ko kaya mainit ulo ko

13.may pinoproblema ka ba ngayon?
- oo, pera

14. anong pinakagusto mong nabili?
- bahay ko

15.mahilig ka bang tumakbo?
- oo, pag kailangan

16. anong huli mong napanood sa tv?
- heroes

18. madali ka bang magpatawad?
- oo, pero kapag nabuksan at naipaalala para akong bulkan na sasabog

19. malikot ka ba?
- saan? ayusin mo ang tanong

20. anong mas gusto mo? single na gusto mo pa lang o taken na mahal mo na?
- kahit ano, basta mahal ko

21. last friend/s you have been with?
- kristine

22. ilan ang sim mo?
- apat

23. sino madalas mo ka text?
- si 2346, 205 at 2868

24. anong pinapakinggan mo ngayon?
- 'yung tunog ng exhaust fan

25.san ka nakita last sunday?
- walang nakakita sa akin

26. may curfew ka ba?
- wala

27. anong pinagkakaabalahan mo ngaun?
- wala akong trabaho

28. sa palagay mo cno sunod na ssagot sa survey na to?
- kung sino ang walang magawa tulad ko

29. cno ung taong huling nagpaiyak sayo?
- alam niya na kung sino siya

Private jokes

Atty. Howie left me a comment in my Friendster account last night. Just saw it this morning and as soon as I read it, I sent him a message. Sabi ng loko, Huwag mo buburahin ha? Private joke natin 'yun! I know most of you are wondering what it is, I probably should just make a list of the lingo running around the Executive where I used to work. Those whom I worked with, I'm sure you'll get this. Hehehehe... kung may kulang pa.. just post it in my chat box para i-add ko pa. *wink*

1. Tama si Boss, kamukha mo talaga si Doc. Bigote lang ang kulang.
2. Ang mahiwagang round table.Maraming sikreto at pangyayaring na-witness ng table na ito. Kaya nga instead na nasa common receiving area siya, nag-rearrange ng office setup at bigla siyang napunta sa carpeted area.
   
3. The carpeted area. Pinangingilagan ng lahat ng empleyado.
   
4. Ang mala-Jollibee na bell. Alam niyo na kung pang-ilan kayo dun sa number of times na mag-ring ang bell na 'yun!
   
5. Andiyan si Pang-Gubs... dinig hanggang pinto ang boses!
6. Si Little Chief. Also known as pang-gubs, short for pang-gubat.
   
7. Si Demi-God or DMG.
8. Visitation rights, conjugal visit depending on the day. Anung araw na ba ngayon?
9. Kapag before 5:30 in the afternoon eh nagpapauwi na siya, it simply means may conjugal visit.
   
10. Boljak hits. Uso pa ba 'yo ngayon? Atty. Howie, do you still keep track of it? Sino ba highest last year? Hehehehe.
    
11. Boljak hit levels. From Level 1 to Level 5. Hehehehe.

We once joked that we, the exec people should write something about it. The mystery behind the Executive. But it never happened. Well, who knows. Maybe one day I will write about it. *wink*

I miss the rain

Funny, I was staring at my window a few hours ago. And then it started to rain, it made me smile. Weird as it may seem, summer is fast approaching yet here comes the rain. But it made me smile, yes it did. It's been a long time...

Tuwing Umuulan at Kapiling Ka – Eraserheads Music Codes

Pagmasdan ang ulan,
Unti-unting pumapatak sa mga halama’t mga bulaklak
Pagmasdan ang dilim,
Unti-unting bumabalot sa buong paligid t’wing umuulan

Kasabay ng ulan bumubuhos ang ‘yong ganda,
Kasabay rin ng hanging kumakanta

Maari bang huwag ka na
Sa piling ko’y lumisan pa hanggang ang hangi’t ula’y tumila na

Buhos na ulan, aking mundo’y lunuring tuluyan
Tulad ng pag-agos mo,
‘Di mapipigil ang puso kong nagliliyab
Pag-ibig ko’y umaapaw,
Damdamin ko’y humihiyaw sa tuwa
Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka

Pagmasdan ang ulan,
Unti-unting tumitila
Ikaw ri’y magpapaalam na
Maari bang minsan pa, mahagkan ka’t maiduyan pa
Sakbibi ka’t ulan lamang ang saksi

Minsan pa ulan bumuhos ka’t h’wag nang tumigil pa
Hatid mo ma’y bagyo, dalangin ito ng puso kong sumasamo
Pag-ibig ko’y umaapaw,
Damdamin ko’y humihiyaw sa tuwa
Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka
(Oooohhh)

Maari bang minsan pa, mahagkan ka’t maiduyan pa
Sakbibi ka’t ulan lamang ang saksi

Buhos na ulan, aking mundo’y lunuring tuluyan
Tulad ng pag-agos mo,
‘Di mapipigil ang puso kong nagliliyab
Pag-ibig ko’y umaapaw,
Damdamin ko’y humihiyaw sa tuwa
Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka

Minsan pa ulan bumuhos ka’t h’wag nang tumigil pa
Hatid mo ma’y bagyo, dalangin ito ng puso kong sumasamo
Pag-ibig ko’y umaapaw,
Damdamin ko’y humihiyaw sa tuwa
Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka

It's still raining. And I am still smiling.

It's here again...

...my old, usual self resurfaces challenging what I believe now - simple life. I am bored. And when I am bored I think - a lot. About what? A lot things... life, why am I like this, what's my purpose in life, am I on the right path? Things like that resurfaces, I have settled it a long time ago but it started bugging me this morning.

See this?

It's pretty obvious huh?

I need to work. I need a stable job.

And I am going to get it.

I have to act, now.

Will I go to Bicol next week?

Well, I wanted to. But I still have a class and my budget is really tight. O is leaving on Sunday and she's inviting me to come and take a break there (as if two and half months of having no stable job is not valid as a break). I haven't been to the Bicol Region. During my Palarong Pambansa days the farthest that I've been to was Iloilo City, south of the country. And my farthest north was well, Zambales. It was also my first. And I have lots of kilig memories of that first Central Luzon Regional Athletic Association Meet. That's worthy of another post, so let's leave it at that.

I asked O how much the fare was if we travel by land and she told that it was a thousand and give hundred bucks. So, I told her that I don't have that much money to spare and even if I have, I would rather spend it on my house. Kuripot ba? I'm just being practical. Anyways, we'd all be there in August during her wedding day. For the record, if and when I attend that wedding, it will be the first. I always have an excuse when it comes to attending weddings. And that too, is worthy of another blog post. So, let's move on.

I have heard so much of Sorsogon. And if and when I finally get there, voices would be all over my head. Memories will be triggered which will probably lead to a lot of sighs and heartaches. I just hope O does not intend to take us to Sorsogon in August or else I would have another excuse not to be there.

So what's new?

It's Saturday, got to school earlier than usual because I was expecting to talk to the President. But she wasn't going to work. I was told that she just got back from a conference at Iloilo and will be back to work on Monday. Ok, fine. So, I went to the admin office and reviewed RA 1425. Went to class earlier than usual and did my stuff. One student commented about my hair, yeah, yeah... I'm Wolverine's look-alike once again, the hair thing. Hindi daw bagay, magpagupit na daw ako. Also, mag-aanak ako sa binyag sa baby ng isang student ko. Bawal daw tumanggi sabi ng matatanda, so what the heck?

Went home an hour earlier than usual. Switched on the TV and tuned in to the Hallmark channel. Interesting movie I saw, di ko pa alam ang title nung una but after a commercial break I knew what the title was, Reading Room. Pretty inspiring story, kaya lang I never got the chance to finish it. Itong si S kasi biglang nag-text na nasa labas na daw siya ng bahay namin. So I went out, nagulat pa ako dahil kasama niya si P5. Ang lakas ng trip nung dalawa! Ang usapan nila, Trinoma ang punta nila. Tapos napunta ang usapan sa barbeque, ang ending dito sa Adel-Rams. Hanep! Kaya hayun sinamahan ko sila, kwento dito, kwento dun. Tapos nag-Aling Francia para sa mga pasalubong na puto at chicharon. Sabi ko, iuwi na nila ako at ayaw kong ginagabi sa daan. Hehehehe!

When I got here, Yza was already waiting for me. Pinapainom na siya ng meds niya, humahabol na sa akin. Sabi ko magbibihis muna ako. Pagbaba ko, sumama agad. Nakipaglaro ng konti tapos hayun, natulog na. Sabi ng daddy niya, ang galing daw. Kagigising lang daw nung bata dumating ako. Pero pagkabuhat ko, natulog na naman. Sus!

Parang topic kanina sa kwentuhan ah, paggawa ng bata: oo o hindi? *esep esep*

This isn't supposed to be about ranting..

...pero dahil sa isang estudyanteng tamad, biglang nagbago ang mood ko. Uminit ang ulo ko, sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko buti na lang hindi ko siya estudyante dahil kung hindi sasabihan ko siya na i-enrol ulit ang subject next semester dahil ngayon pa lang 5.0 na ang grade niya!

This isn't also about the money, I don't care if I'll be getting only 500 bucks for it since nakihati pa ang brother ko. This is his raket not mine. Nagkataon lang na super busy siya and I had to take cover for him. But what irritates me the most are these types of students who would pay for something that they should be doing in the first place! Para makapasa nagbabayad sila ng iba para maka comply sa requirement ng course. Website making is an easy task. For a CompSci student it should be an easy task. But students nowadays always has an excuse - their hands are full, they need to review for the finals, term papers that needs to be done, blah blah blah. OMG!

Imagine, ang kailangan na lang niyang gawin ay ibigay sa akin lahat ng inputs - materials, text, info, images - tapos ako na nga ang magli layout nun para mabuo ang website pero 'yung simpleng input na lang gusto ako pa ang mag research?! Anak ng tinapa! Pasalamat ka at hindi ako ang prof mo hija!

Kaya nga ako hindi bilib sa mga may MA, MS, Ed.D, Ph.D.pagkatapos ng mga pangalan nila eh. Dahil napakadaling gawin nun sa Recto. But that topic is worthy of another post. For now, I just need to breathe and cool my head off.

Just another TGIF

Nothing spectacular, nothing unusual, nothing weird. It's just my regular Friday, in anticipation of Saturday. So, I did my laundry, cleaned my room, changed the sheets and tuned in to Magic 89.9 for Friday Magic Madness.

Listening to the songs which I grew up in brings back so many memories. They just played When in Rome's "The Promise" and hell, may mind was racing 110km/hour only this time my gear was in reverse. And then I heard Jamie Rivera's "Fallen" which back in my high school days I remember me requesting to be played in the dedication booth during the '89 Foundation Day.

Ah, memories. I wish I was Hiro Nakamura with the power of teleportation. I would gladly return to 1989 and stayed there for as long as I could.

Senti. This happens when I listen to the Magic every Friday.

Couldn't help but post this

...unedited version of Jayson's email to me regarding what he calls "political rumble" in our country.

aun gandang gabi po ms. abie
ahahahahahh
vigilant ba?
kyo nagturo nyan,
ahahahaha
pananaw q, nakakainis,,, nakaka walang gana,,
puro corruption n lang ngyari sa bansa naten
tama ho kayo dun na close knit family ties ang dahilan kaya nagiging corrupt sila. agree aq dun.
para tuloy ang nangyayari,, kakandidado lang sila para kumurakot ng pera,, ndi para pagsilbihan ang mga mamamayan,, sino nmn kaya ang susunod na mangungurakot..
ang taong bayan kasi ang nag sa suffer,,, sa atin ibinabato, ipinasasalo ang utang ng bansang pilipinas,,
kaya tuloy kahit anong kayod ni juan dela cruz,, gutom pa din.....
araw araw sa balota puro iyon,, nagassawa n nga ang mga tao,, para bang immune na sila,,
kaya ang iba mas pinili n lng ang magtrabaho kesa sumama sa mga rally n yan,,,,,wala rin namang kcng masgyayari,,
ndi nmn sila magkakapera don,
at c gloria,, ewan q, bato n ata, ndi marunong makiramdam,,, bingi samga isyu tungkol msa kanya....
interesting kasi ang topic about politika,, esp. d2 sa pinas,, napaka kulay...........
haiz,, kaya nga aq.... ndi ko n cla masyado pinag iiisip.. bahala sila sa buhay nila at bahala aq sa buhay q. ahahahahaha
aun salamat ho sa pag reply. till next email q ho ul8.
mis ko n kc klase naten...

Two things that I noticed: the manner in which it was written and the text messaging format of writing and email.

This was supposed to be my masters' thesis which was rejected by the former dean of the BSU graduate school. It really bothers me that students write this way. I don't know if its just me. But others view the writing style as a language evolution, because language is dynamic.

Anyway, back to the content of the email. I never knew that they missed the discussions in class this much. It made me smile. Ah, the joy of teaching. Something like this can never be taken away from you by anyone. Sabi nga sa isang credit card commercial before, PRICELESS.

Ripped from the Friendster apps

YOUR SIGN - THE WATER OX

Today's Horoscope (February 27, 2008)
Zodiac Details by Suzanne White. Horoscopes by Master Rao.

Sentimental life will be well influenced; but understanding can be better if you show more good will, for instance by being less possessive. You'll have to control your passions which will heavily bear on your reason. Your highest ambitions will have a chance to be realized. You'll knock out all obstacles so as to climb to the summit of the professional hierarchy. You'll doubtlessly need a supplement of vitamin B in order to fight against nervousness and anxiety; eat meats such as lamb and beef kidney, dried vegetables, and whole wheat bread.



Well, for lack of something to post (I couldn't think straight right now) I looked at my Friendster profile and read today's horoscope which I find a bit interesting. Let me list the things that I find interesting:

• be less possessive - I nearly fell off my chair when I read this. Ako? Possessive? Kailan pa?
  
• control my passions - Yes, I agree. I could be passionate at what I do and for what I believe in. But I can be swayed too. At iisang tao lang ang may alam kung paano gawin 'yun. *wink*
• climbing the summit of professional hierarchy - Well, well, well. Does this mean that I'll be starting full-time work next week? I better be!
• on Vitamin B, lamb, beef kidney, and whole wheat bread - Hello! I got allergic to Vitamin B after a week of taking it. And according to the low purine diet that the doctor gave me, I have to stay away from meat, kidney and whole wheat bread. Are you trying to have me killed?!

Hehehe. Sabi nga ni Stine, guide lang daw 'yan. Pwede kong sundin, pwedeng hindi. Pwede kong paniwalaan, pwede ring hindi.

Pero gusto ko paniwalaan 'yung climbing the summit of professional hierarchy ek-ek. I really, really need it.

40 secrets about me

[One] Who was your last text from?
- Chocco, my cousin

[Two] Where was your default pic taken?
- The black and white one? At CyberSoft. The President's room at around seven in the morning. Hehehehe.

[Three] What's your middle name?
- Cruz

[Four] Your current relationship status?
- Committed

[Five] Does your crush(s) like you back?
- Never bothered to ask

[Six] What is your current mood?
- Craving for coffee

[Seven] What's your dad's name?
- Resty

[Eight] What color shirt are you wearing?
- Gray

[Nine] What was the last thing you drank?
- Coffee

[Ten] If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
- Yes, but it will alter a lot of lives

[Eleven] Have a crazy side?
- I have my idiosyncracies

[Twelve] Ever had a near death experience?
- In reality? Just a motorcycle accident. In my dreams, a lot of near death experiences

[Thirteen] Something you do a lot?
- Blogging

[Fourteen] Angry at anyone?
- Trying not to ;)

[Fifteen] Do you wanna see somebody right now?
- Yep

[Sixteen] Name someone with the same birthday as you?
- Jim Carrey and Benjamin Franklin

[Seventeen] When was the last time you cried?
- Last week

[Eighteen] Who would you do anything for?
- My significant other and my best friend

[Twenty] What's the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?
- Physically? Eyes and hair

[Twenty-two] What's your biggest secret?
- That's for me to know and for you to find out

[twenty-three] Favorite movie?
- Matrix Trilogy

[Twenty-five] Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
- Yes. Wonder Pets, Dora the Explorer

[Twenty-six] What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
- Coffee

[Twenty-seven] Do you speak any other languages?
- English. Filipino. A bit of Spanish, had Spanish I and II back in college

[Twenty-nine] If you could describe your life in one word, what would it be?
- Struggling

[Thirty] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
- Have I?

[Thirty one] Do you like the rain?
- Very much.

[Thirty-two] What are you thinking about right now?
- Where to get the finances for my house improvement

[Thirty-three] What should you be doing?
- Cooking brunch for my Dad

[Thirty-five] What are you listening to?
- Gone by Pearl Jam

[Thirty-eight] Do you act differently around the person you like?
- I am my usual self, only a lot naughty

Fourty] Who was the last person to make you smile?
- Yzabelle

5 hours in front of the laptop

...made my shoulders hurt, but I can take it. My eyes could stare at the monitor for more than 12 hours a day. Done that before and I'm doing it again. Hmmm... would it raise the grade of my eyes? Probably. Oh well, my brother let me take the website making job for a graduating ComSci student. I cared enough to ask why she needed someone to do it for her for a price. My brother told me that she probably had a lot of things at hand. I think otherwise. Tinatamad siguro o baka naman wala talaga natutunan sa klase kaya willing magbayad just to comply with the professors' requirement. O baka naman type ng kapatid ko kaya pumayag na gawin 'yung website.

And so I began to think again. Questions popped in my head like bubbles produced by a bubble machine. What motivates us to do things? Is it money? Is it utang na loob? Or we do things because we await something in exchange for what we're supposed to do? Ganun ba talaga? Lagi dapat may kapalit?

In communication, sabi nila dapat two way, there is the sender and there is a receiver. If the message sent is not received by the receiver, walang komunikasyon na nangyari. Pero what if the message was received kaya lang hindi naintindihan ng receiver, wala bang komunikasyon na nangyari? Take this for example:

Little Tree, a native of Kalinga Apayao, came to Manila in search of greener pastures. He doesn’t know anybody in Manila neither does he understand any other language other than his dialect, Ilocano. After two (2) months in Manila, Little Tree still cannot find a job, frustrated, he robbed a passenger jeepney. Unfortunately, members of the Manila Police District responded quickly and there and then arrested Little Tree. One of the policemen told Little Tree in English that he has the right to remain silent and to avail of the services of a lawyer if he can afford it, otherwise, he will be provided with one.

May nangyari bang komunikasyon dun kahit hindi sila nagkaintindihan? Iba kasi 'yung narinig mo sa naintindihan mo eh. Araw-araw kasi nakakarinig ako ng sigawan, nga mga pag-uusap na paangil, oo nga may nagpapadala ng mensahe, may tumatanggap rin ng mensahe. Pero naririnig lang, hindi naiintindihan.

San nga ba papunta 'tong post na 'to? Hindi ko rin alam. Baka ikaw, alam mo.

I'm just thinking out loud.

Panaginip

Bihira akong makatulog sa tanghali. At talagang hindi ko nakagawian. But this time when I decided to watch TV in my room and laid down on my bed, my eyes became droopy. I was fighting it at first, trying to concentrate on the series that I'm watching. It was one my favorites, Law and Order. But I can't. So my eyes and my body gave in. I dozed off.

So, anong bago dun? Ok lang naman na makatulog ako dahil puyat ako at maagang gumising kanina. It was this dream that I had.

Dito rin ang panaginip ko, sa kwarto ko. Akala ko nga totoo. Hindi lang talaga ako makadilat. Pero naririnig ko sila. First it was my Dad, heard his voice when he said Tingnan mo, kamukhang-kamukha talaga ni Junior si Beegee, pati 'yung baba niya. I know I smiled when he said that, ang ipinagtataka ko lang hindi sila (para kasing may kausap siya) nag-react man lang when I smiled. Natatawa na nga ako nun kasi ako na naman ang nakita eh. Then he said something about sasabuyan ako ng pabango or ng papaya (hindi ko nga alam bakit papaya eh, kung tubig pa sana maiintindihan ko) something to that effect. Ang akala ko he was trying to wake me up. Pero hindi, talagang may isinaboy siya. Hindi ko lang maamoy. At hindi rin ako nagising. After that I heard my Mom's voice but I couldn't hear what she said. Parang nag-agree lang siya kay Dad tapos sinabuyan niya rin ako nung isinaboy ni Dad sa akin. Then I heard Nicole open the door and called me, Tita Beegee... she paused for a while waiting for an answer but I couldn't talk. Then I heard the door close.

So, paano ako nagising? Tumunog ang cellphone ko. I got it and read the message. And then I got up and opened my laptop. So here I am, writing this post. Still trying to make sense of the dream.

Can somebody interpret it for me?

Can't sleep.. part two

Well, for the second straight night I couldn't sleep. Not because I have of things on my mind like last night. It was because I slept around four in the afternoon and woke up at nine in the evening.

Now what did I miss?

A dinner party at Kamay Kainan Trinoma, it was Pastor's birthday. One of my former colleagues at OLFU. Ga and Olive texted me around lunchtime about it but my cellular network's signal has been erratic the whole day. I needed to get out of the house to get a signal or I have to stay inside my room to maintain the signal. Couldn't do that. I had to take care of Yza for the most part the day. Mom was busy cooking the whole day. So, I wasn't able to make it. This was the second time that I failed to make it to Kamay Kainan, the first one was when Ga threw out a thanksgiving dinner for Jackie after passing the nurse's board exam last year. For sure alaskado na naman ako when I get to see those guys.

Yari na naman ako dun sa mga 'yun!

Can't sleep

.. kaya heto nangangarap lang ako magkaron nito...
at magkaron ng adventure habang nakasakay dito, mapa bundok man ang destinasyon o sa mga deserted areas..

I wanted to think out loud but opted not to. I have a lot of things on my mind and I need to organize all of them before I can finally put them here. Seeds of depression seeping in again? Probably.

And this blog photo uploading thing is making me loose my patience. Better call it a night off. I'll just do other things before this laptop finds itself thrown down the stairs.

I need to drive. Real hard to get things off of my head.

From teaching to bowling

I look forward to Saturdays. Because it's the time that I can get out of the house and become a productive citizen of this country. Some may say that we have been forsaken by God, with all the political bickering, corruption and loss of moral ascendancy of leaders, still I love my country. And I get all lit up when former students come to me and simply open a topic regarding the current political situation. They weren't even geared towards the social sciences, they were more on the technical side - my last semester's engineering section. I saw them today, and they approached me gusto lang makipag kwentuhan tungkol kay Lozada, kay GMA, sa mga cabinet members involved in the ZTE-NBN controversy. Edson, Rey, Marjun and Jayson (who sent me an email expressing his frustration on what is happening with our country the other day) all had their two cents worth on the issue. I gladly listened to them. We exchanged views for about ten minutes before we parted ways. I have to attend to my class, so I excused myself. Only to find out that classes this afternoon have been suspended. May bowling tournament daw kami ngayong ala una sa JM Mendoza sports center. I was given a shirt, isuot ko daw for the tournament. Eh naka pormal ako, slacks with the usual long sleeves with embroidered design chinese collared top. So, I went home. Kaya nga nakapag post pa ako ngayon.

Nakakatuwa talaga. This is the reason why I could never leave my profession. Edson, Rey, Marjun and Jayson, thanks for reminding me of my purpose. Kahit makukulit kayo, the fact that you are now concerned and vigilant with the way things are going in our society makes me so proud of you guys.

What's on my mind?

It's been a long time since I've had images like this on my mind. And it gets stronger everyday. Ah! Whatever happened to the concept of delayed sexual gratification? Hmmmm... somebody bring me coffee, now!

Routine check

My HS les classmate popped me a message this evening. I had a late afternoon nap and woke up at around eight in the evening. Medyo disoriented pa nga ako when I woke up. I opened my laptop and checked my mails. Then the message came in. Had a short chat with her, still wounded from a breakup kaya panay ang travel. Baka dun daw siya makahanap ng partner. Loko nga, she sent me astrological forecasts for 2008 and stuff like that. Sabi niya guide lang naman daw. Pareho kasi kaming Capricorn, year of the Ox. At sabi daw sa forecast, panay fling na lang daw muna siya. Mahirap daw kasi kami ma-in love, serious masyado. Bull pa. Na open ang relationship issues, kinumusta ang relationship ko. Told her we're fine, we're okay. LDR is hard but I'm used to it, she's not. Blah blah blah. She gave me a word of advice, sabi niya in her experience, when routine changes there is something wrong. Proven na daw 'yun sa kanya. But she said, that's just her.

I told her that relationships entail trust and respect. Love is never a question, at least for me. But trust and respect is a big issue. When something goes wrong, if the relationship doesn't work out, I always tell myself - maybe I have served my purpose. And I wish my ex-partner well. A good life, a happy relationship, that maybe I haven't been able to give her.

Gaga nga eh, dati daw ganun din siya. Kaya lang 'yung mga naging partners niya, wala naman paki. Wag daw akong martir. Told her it's just my take on relationships. I don't usually remember the bad times, the good times I remember vividly.

My conversation with Stine made me think. Should I or should I not make a routine check?

Hmmmm.. I'll just take Rivotril na lang. Hehehe!

Dual sim active standy mobile phones

I was dreaming of having one of this, the Samsung D880 duos mobile phone. A slider phone, wow it really caught my attention. It's the first branded phone ever released that can handle two sim cards simultaneously. It simply means that you can have your Globe + Smart or Globe + Sun or Smart + Sun network working at the same time. Simply put, it's like having two mobile phones in one. The fact that it is triband appeals to me even more. But it lacks 3G functionality which the Verzio Duplii has.

The Duplii is fine, it's triband has a dual sim active standy by functionality with a 3G capability, and it can also boast of having a memory card but the keypad layout is a little bit different from what we're used to. The space key is place in the middle right corner as well as the number zero. Hmmm.. another things, it's a candy bar type of phone and it is bulky.

What I have right now is the B889 China dual sim card phone. The features are almost the same, 2 sim card which works simultaneously, a card slot for sd memory, video capability. It doesn't have a built-in radio but it can play MP3 music. The keypad layout is the same as that of Duplii, which for non-Nokia users or branded mobile phone users could take a lot of getting used to. But what turned me off about this phone is the fact that it was not triband. The box and the manual says that it is. But it is not. Oh well, you can't have it all.

Price difference is also a factor for choosing these gadgets. The D880 costs P20,000 in Samsung shops, P17,500 in other accredited stores with one year warranty on parts and service. The Duplii costs P15,000 at Wellcom stores with a two year service and parts warranty. And of course, the cheapest would be the B889. I got mine via trade with my Nokia 3110c plus P3500 cash. But the price when I got it was still at P7000.

When I think about gadgets now, I simply sigh and say kesa dalhin ko diyan ang pera ko. Ipapaayos ko na lang ang bahay ko.

At the end of the day, 'yung bahay ko pa rin ang naiisip ko. I am bordering on obsession na yata. At least I'm getting my mind off on being horny. Hahahaha!

Woke up early

... at around four in the morning and I couldn't sleep anymore. A tablet of Rivotril is not enough to keep me sleeping for longer hours. Baligtad pa nga ata epekto.

Have to take coffee. My mind cannot function without it.

Kevin Roy's song

I was arranging my filing system in my laptop when I stumbled upon my old Himig Handog MP3 songs, I only picked a few songs that I liked. There were two songs that really caught my attention because they were not the usual mushy stuff that we hear from love songs. One is Parokya ni Edgar's "This Guy is in Love with You Pare" and Kevin Roy's "Kailan Pa Man."

I know most of you guys are familiar with Parokya ni Edgar's song that's why I chose to post the lyrics of Kevin Roy's Kailan Pa Man. You could also listen to the song as you read my blog entries. I am pretty sure romantics out there would react to the lyrics of the song.

Hindi ko maintindihan
Pangakong magpakailanman
Nagsinungaling ka lang diyan
Ang bukas mo’t ng sino man

Ay di nakikita at di maisasalba
Kung tangayin sa agos ng panahon
Kaya pansamantala habang nandito pa
Tanggapin mo ang pag-ibig ko ngayon

Hanggang sa dulo ng mundo
Huwag kang mangakong ganito
Mahal ang pamasahe mo
Magmahalan tayo dito

[Chorus]
At di man kailan pa man ang ating samahan
Sarilihin ang pagkakataon
Kaya pansamantala habang nandito pa
Tanggapin mo ang pag-ibig ko ngayon

ADLIB

Tuwing kapiling lang kita
Ang mundo ko’y sumisigla
Makulimlim man ang panahon
Buhay ang buhay ko ngayon

Bahay-bahayan

That was how my dad described my house nung isinama ko sila ni Mami sa Sta. Maria. Fair enough, I told myself. Ako lang naman kasi ang titira dun and hopefully my significant other once she decides to come home. I know my Dad doesn't like the idea that I am finally moving out. But as I've said time and again, I am of legal age and I am entitled to independence. Kung sa PAO nga nakuha kong lumaya, sa sarili ko pa kayang pamilya? But I doesn't mean that I would totally cut off my ties with them. I just want my siblings to learn and experience the meaning of responsibility. I would still be around if they need me.

I was thinking of cutting cost for the improvements I wanted. Bare type kasi ang nakuha kong unit. Tinitingnan ko nga kung ano ang pwede kong makuhang gamit dito sa kwarto ko. When I went to the hardware yesterday and asked for the prices of the materials that I need, here's what came up:

• P850 - 5 bags of cement
  
• P500 - 1/2 elf of white sand
  
• P600 - 6 kilograms of colored cement (I'm thinking blue or black)
• P3,000 - 4 pieces of ordinary 3/4 plywood
• P400 - 1 piece of black formica
• P170 - 2 pieces of aluminum for the formica

That totals P5,520 hindi pa kasama ang labor dun. Hindi pa rin klaro kay Alex kung ilang araw niya gagawin. That is why I'm locked up in my room right now thinking of how to cut cost. I wanted to have a mini bar na idudugtong ko dun sa nakaporma nang sink. Iniisip ko kasi instead of buying a dinner table, pwedeng 'yun na lang ang dinner table ko. Kaya rin madami 'yung plywood may naiisip kasi akong design para dun sa 54 x 75 airbed na ilalagay ko dun. Eh may nakita akong pwedeng magamit dito para sa kama, problema ko lang kung mailalabas ko ito ng room at maibaba galing dito sa 2nd floor ng bahay. Ang lapad kasi eh. Pag nailabas ko, pwedeng mabawasan ang gastos ko, pero kung hindi, hanapan ko na lang ng lusot.

Ang goal ko lang naman kasi ngayon, maging livable siya. Presentable ng konti. Maarte kasi ako sa gamit pero 'yun na nga, since I don't have a job right now I don't have the luxury of being luxurious. Hahahaha! Dadaanin ko na lang talaga sa diskarte. 'Yung tipong pag may bumisita, sasabihin nila na "Ikaw na ikaw 'tong bahay mo ah!"

Hmmmm... wait and see. Just wait and see.

*wink*

Matamlay

While I was having dinner last night I was surprised when my Dad approached me, looked at me like I'm a kid kasi hinawakan niya mukha ko tapos tinitigan niya ako then he kissed me in the fore head and said, Matamlay ka ah. Kita sa mata mo. Ano na naman bumabagabag sa isip mo? I just smiled and said, Pagod lang siguro Dad. Probably to make me smile, he said he will wash the two car seats na pinagpaalam ko sa kanya na aarborin ko and that we will bring it to my house early morning tomorrow.

When my Mom got home I asked her if there was something different about me, isang tingin lang niya sabi sa akin, kita sa mata mo na may nararamdaman ka. Weird how parents could easily notice what their children are feeling even without asking them huh? But I guess that's how it works. I am not a parent yet but they always tell me that I have it in me. Probably because I am sensitive to others' feelings. Mas anak ko pa nga daw si Yza sabi nila.

Well, today when I woke up, I feel fine. Just don't know if my eyes will give me away.

*wink*

Trip to PAO

Went out early this morning, part of my itinerary and agenda was first, to canvass materials for my house. Second is to get my salary from the City Treasury and third would be to simply call up Tita Flor from PAO Personnel and ask her the details of the GSIS insurance policy. Was I able to all that? Yes, and more but not in the manner I've stated above.

I got my salary from the City Treasury's Office, from someone they call Tita Ester, didn't know that she knew my Mom and my mom's siblings that well that she may practically considered as family. She made kwento that they used to hang out in their place in Longos and that they climbed up to the house's rooftop to play. Long and short of it, she was not masungit anymore after she knew my origin. Hehehehe.. binola ko pa ng konti kaya mas lalong naging magiliw sa akin. After that I went to Tita I's office to borrow her Bayan wireless landline to call up the PAO-CO and clarify the GSIS thing. I was able to talk to Bugol, asked for the personnel office's land line number and then called it up. Tita Flor told me that my insurance policy can now be picked up, sabi ko nga aanhin ko pa 'yun eh wala na ako sa gobyerno? She just told me to receive it and I asked her to get info from GSIS if I could get anything out of it if I surrender it to the GSIS head office in Pasay. Then I asked for Ate Teri. I was inquiring whether I still have terminal leave credits. The answer was positive. All I needed to do was write a letter of request, sign a leave of absence form for the computation of my leave credits and then bring it to PAO-CO. Sabi ko, sayang din 'yun kaya nag-decide akong pumunta sa QC. But before I went to QC I had to pay the water bill, go home to write the letter and eat. And I did just that.

This is the dreaded "carpeted area" maraming taga-office ang ayaw maging station 'to.

And this kid is Ryot, isa sa mga tagapagmana ng trono ko. Ibinabalik na nga niya sa akin kanina eh!

Syempre pa, kasama ko si Little Devil papunta ng QC. The moment I stepped into the parking lot, the security men saluted me. Naks! Nakasanayan na nila 'yun eh, I worked for the agency chief for a year kaya ganun. Sa elevator pa lang, nakasabay ko na si Atty. Van, Atty. Meizel, Brod Rey at Gay. Mga dati kong kasamahan sa Executive. Sabi nga nila, parang bumata daw ako at pumayat. Sabi ko naman, ganun talaga kapag "laya" ka na. They laughed. Kakainggit daw ako. Sa elevator pa lang I received a lot of hugs from people that I worked with.

The moment I stepped into the Executive floor, nagulat silang lahat. They were asking me to come back, nag-resign na naman kasi 'yung isa pang pumalit sa akin. Nagkakalokohan nga kami ni Ate Alu, sabi niya "What's with the chair?" dun kasi sa pwesto ko at sa pwesto na malapit sa pinto ng hepe namin, ambilis ng turn over ng tao. It's something that we at the Executive could only understand. Kwento, kwento, kwento... ikot ako sa Admin, bisita kay Tita Flor, Ate Teri, Kuya Nelson, Rommel, sa asawa ni Maricel, kay Happy, Arlene, Ate Espie, Jean, Excel... tapos sa FMD, kay Tita Nitz, Tita Marie, kay Lally at Ate Ruby na kapitbahay ko na pala sa subdivision sa Sta. Maria, kay Kuya Rene, nakita rin ako ni Tita Lulu, institusyon na 'yun sa PAO pero beautiful pa rin, si Kuya Arman (ang natitirang matibay ang dibdib kasama ni Kuya Panc) at marami pang iba.

But of course, nagtagal ako sa pamilya ko - sa Executive, until finally I said goodbye. Sayang Bugol, wala ka dun. Tinimbrehan pa mandin kita na darating ako. Ate Alu, hanggang ngayon ayaw mo pa rin magpakuha ng picture, nabinyagan tuloy namin ni Ryot 'yung Nokia 6300 mo. Hehehehe.. hindi mahilig kumuha ng picture si Ryot 'no?

Teka Ryot, si John Lloyd ba 'yang katabi mo? Bakit umitim? Hahahaha!

Sige na nga, enough of the PAO post. Next time na lang 'yung tungkol sa bahay. I've already canvassed for the prices of the materials that I'm going to need. And boy oh boy, I don't have that money in my wallet right now! OMG!

Keys to my heart

Catchy huh? But I wouldn't talk about that today as a post-Valentine blog post, although yes, I must admit that there is only one person who holds the key to my heart. *wink*

I went to Sta. Maria for the nth time to deliver a copy of the document that has been a topic of some of my previous pre-Valentine posts. Of course I wouldn't go there without taking a side trip to my house. It's not under my name yet but technically it will be in about nineteen (19) months.

So, what's new? Well, today I finally got the keys to my house. Yey! And absurd as it may seem, a Meralco bill was in also in my window. Geez, I haven't moved in yet and there it was an electric bill in my window. Hmmmm.. okay, okay. I should be thankful that I am not paying the arrears for my house yet. I cleared that two weeks ago with the Municipal Assessors Office.

This means that I could move in anytime I want since I already got the authority to do so which is valid for a month. I'd probably go there this weekend and take the two used car seats which will be in my living room. I'm working on the concept or design if you wish yo call it that. I have a lot of things in my mind right now, what can I say? I am excited. Hehehehe!

So, right after my quick peek at my house and saw that repairs were made since my last visit, I drove home and asked Bobby and Chad if I could talk to Alex and ask his opinion regarding the ideas in my mind.

After explaining what I wanted to have fixed in the house's interior, Alex asked me to buy the following stuff:



- 5 bags of cement
- an Elf truck half full of white sand
- 6 kilos of blue cement
- 4 pieces of 3/4 plywood
- 1 piece formica, my choice of color
- 2 pieces of aluminum

So, tomorrow I have to canvass prices of the said materials. Kailangan ko na talaga makaraket! Hindi pa namin napag-usapan ni Alex kung magkano ang labor at kung ilang araw niya gagawin. He's still working on Bobby's old room within Chad's place. In two weeks, tops, it will be finished. And that's the time that I would have to let Alex have an ocular visit at my place so we could brainstorm more on what to do with my house. Having a loft is definitely out of the picture for now, wala pa akong budget for that.

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it! Hahahaha!

Insights on journey

While reflecting on today's gospel on JC's transfiguration I have thought of my life. I have thought of my life's purpose. In times of anguish and confusion I have often asked JC to show me light so that I may follow. But my life's journey continues to be puzzling and at times painful. I guess that's a part of this journey that we oftentimes call life.

There are things that make my journey difficult and let me share it with you: First, there is always the element of fear. Fear of the unknown. When we set sail into unknown shores, we always have this mixed feeling of pushing forward or pulling back. Which brings us to the second, and this is always the major stumbling block, the will to start. To begin rowing and leave the comforts of the shore. Believe me, I've tried to set sail and I have the oars, but the difficult part of every journey that I have tried is making the first paddle pushing me away from the shore. Because, third, my pride is killing me. While paddling, my mind keeps on racing, what if I don't succeed? What will the people I left ashore think of me when I get back? That I am a complete failure? That is why fourth, the scariest thing to do is to change. Change what? My perspective, the way I see things, the way I see the world. The way I was led to believe by forces around me: education, influential persons in society, significant others, and the likes. Paolo Coelho was very keen on when he wrote this: What is the real "I"? It's what you are, not what others make of you." And that is why I keep on living, although there are times that I wished for death to come and take me. Because fifth, the greatest mistake that I could commit is to give up. To throw away the oars and let the waves sway my boat and eventually take it, thus ending my journey abruptly without the experiencing the bliss of seeing the other side of the ocean.

And so, here I am despite the hardships I am encountering, despite the internal struggles, I am staying afloat. Holding the oars, paddling like hell yet staying calm and composed. I need to. I have to. I want to.

Because I want to see the other side of the ocean.

Because I want to conquer that mountain and see what's on the other side.

Knock me out Rivotril!

It's been an hour and forty minutes since I took my daily dose of Rivotril. But it hasn't produced the desired result yet. I wanted to take another half since my mind seems to be very active and cease to give in the the medication which is supposed to slow me down and calm my nerves. Well, tonight it doesn't.

Information overload might be the cause. It keeps my mind racing for at least 220 km/hr tops. Thinking of the what-if's and could've beens. Sometimes, decisions we make that we think will be best turn out to be very painful. Just when we have thought that damage control has been done, the mayhem unknowingly continues. There has to be a reason. A very good reason for everything that has happened.

I cannot die tonight, nor in the near future. I owe a lot of people an apology. People that I love. People who've been very good to me. It would take time, the wounds that I have caused could not heal in an instant. Unlike my hero Wolverine, these people doesn't have the ability to regenerate. And the wounds that I have caused are not physical, thus the harder it is for the wound to heal.

Perhaps I should write all of you a letter. Or pay you a visit one of these days. Or perhaps I should get a Bayan Wireless land line so that I could call you guys up, introduce myself, remind you how I have caused you pain and ask for forgiveness as one advertisement manages to hit the TV screen every now and then.

I just need to get this out. Or maybe I should think of writing my will. Hehehehe. Right, laugh at yourself Tink. Try to make it easy, your alter ego's catch phrase caught up with you... just when I thought that what I did was right, just when I thought that it would hurt less people than give in to my own happiness... tonight is unlike all other nights. For tonight I get to tell myself this: "I'm the best there is at what I do, but what I do isn't very nice."

I need another dose of Rivotril to knock me out.

Amoy lalaki

Nagpapasahan kaninang umaga 'yung mag-asawa kung sino magpapatulog kay Yza. Kailangan kasi magluto ni Avin ng turon para maitinda, si Ela naman kailangan pumunta ng school kasi kuhanan ng report card ng mga bata.Walang magawa si Ela, sinubukan niyang patulugin si Yza habang nakaupo sa rocking chair, wa epek.Kaya kahit ayaw ko, to the rescue si Tetuts. Pagkakuha ko kay Yza, nagtitigan muna kami sandali. Tapos, humilig na siya sa balikat ko. Wala pang two minutes, tulog.

Ako: Vin, bakit ganito 'tong anak mo? Ayaw sa nanay niya.
Avin: Eh Tetuts, amoy kasi natin ang gusto niya. Amoy lalaki! *sabay tawa ng malakas*
Ako: Gago! Utuin niyo pa ako!

Ito ang hirap pag wala akong trabaho eh, inday na inday ang role ko. Tsk!

Tingnan niyo naman kung gaano kahimbing ang tulog habang nakayakap sa sa akin. Palibhasa malambot dahil sa laki ng tiyan ko. Hehehe!

Updates

My Mom went home and ate lunch with my Dad, buti na lang nagluto ako. I got out of bed late around 9:00, four hours later than my usual wake up call. She told me the news about the letter, the President of SMCM (we call them Directress during my HS years), liked the letter. According to her it was clear, concise, straight to the point. That's why it was easy for them to answer it point by point. And what was the answer to all of the questions? YES. Which means my Mom would get 100% of her RVM retirement benefits. The only questions now is this: how will they compute it? Since there is no provision in their manual on the exact computation of the fringe benefit I told my Mom that she should be vigilant and if possible, ask for the formula regarding the computation of her claim. She should not be complacent. Sabi nga niya, madami na daw kasing nag resign dati at sa tuwing matatanggap nila 'yung notice kung magkano ang matatanggap nilang retirement benefit umiiyak na lang dahil sobrang liit kumpara sa inaasahan nilang tatanggapin.

I don't want my Mom experiencing the same. That's why I'm still on my toes asking her for updates everyday. Sabi tuloy niya, kaya pala hindi ka matanggap-tanggap sa Saint Mary's eh. Taga UP ka kasi, na-anticipate na nila na marami kang kukuwestiyunin sa mga policies nila.

Ganun talaga. Tibak eh.

On heroes and superhuman powers

Kung may Superman ka na laging to the rescue at the Flash, na isang tawag mo lang nasa tabi mo na. Ako naman si Wolverine with no superhuman powers like Superman and the Flash. Pero hinding-hindi mo makakalimutan because of his mysterious character.

This made me curious, I have liked Wolverine or Logan's character so much in the X-Men series that whenever I am asked about my favorite superhero, I would definitely answer Wolverine. I even wanted to have my Little Devil airbrushed with Wolverine's image that I got from the internet and modified using Adobe Photoshop. But what do I know of his abilities except for the fact that he can regenerate fast? Wala. So, I tried to research a little and found out that he has the following abilities:

• Regenerative healing factor
• Superhuman senses, strength, stamina, agility, and reflexes
• Adamantium-laced skeletal structure with retractable claws
• Resistance to telepathy
• Expert martial artist
• Able to understand, speak and read Japanese

I liked his skills as well as his personality, specially the one in which he lapses into a "berserker rage" while in close combat. I do think that I have this in me but I control it as much as I can so as not to hurt anyone (well, physically that is). Logan adheres to bushido, a firm code of personal honor and morality. He is often irreverent and rebellious, particularly towards authority (hmmm.. this I wish I had, but being the eldest in a brood of five, I limit it and keep it at the helm) but he is a capable and reliable leader. According to the article, he has had romantic, platonic, and even paternal relationships over the decades with numerous women. Oh, well...

Wolverine's catch phrase, and this I really like, is "I'm the best there is at what I do, but what I do isn't very nice."

Sounds a little like me when I'm on a berserker rage mode, which is not often. So, please, please, please, do not provoke me.

For the loveless

Got this early morning message from Atty. Ella:

Blue roses
for
lovers..

White chocolates
for
crushes..

Pink balloons
for
friendships..

And most of all
for the
loveless..

Red...

Redhorse!!!


Natawa talaga ako, gusto kong humirit eh. Akala ko red dahil duguan ang puso.'Yun pala, red dahil palakasan na naman ng sipa ng kabayong matamis para makatulog! Hehehehe.. sorry Ella, di ko na trip ang redhorse eh. Red wine pwede pa.

And for those who were asking if I have a date today, the answer is NO. Hindi ako sumasabay sa marami eh. At kung meron man akong date, hindi niyo ako makikita. Dahil aakyat ako ng bundok! Hahahaha!

Happy Heart's Day

This photo was taken using a camera phone last year. We were sorting files at the office when this rubber band accidentally popped out of a thick file and formed itself into a heart-shaped image. Ryot and I took a picture of it and told our officemates about it. It was cute.

The essence of love and compassion is understanding, the ability to recognize the physical, material, and psychological suffering of others, to put ourselves "inside the skin" of the other. We "go inside" their body, feelings, and mental formations, and witness for ourselves their suffering. Shallow observation as on outsider is not enough to see their suffering. We must become one with the subject of our observation. When we are in contact with another's suffering, a feeling of compassion is born in us. Compassion means, literally, "to suffer with."

- Thich Nhat Hanh

Happy Heart's Day!

After coffee thoughts

Wrote my Mom a two-page clarification letter last night regarding the status of her intention to resign from the RVM institution after 24 years of service. There is nothing wrong with that, we've been asking her to resign since last year so that she could enjoy her life and not get tied up with the complexities of being in an institution where money, instead of a good education, is the real deal. But she said she still enjoys teaching, she quit her post in the administration side and focused on teaching last year. Now, she is decided to quit her profession. She already submitted her resignation. There is only one problem though, the administration is confused whether her resignation would also mean retirement from her service to the institution since she will be 60 years old in October of this year.

So, she consulted the principal. Asked her what would happen to her RVM retirement plan, if she could still get a hundred percent, how would this affect her claim. Will resignation be more apt than retirement? The works. The principal took out the Administrative Manual Revised 2007 and searched for the provisions that would cover my Mom's inquiry. It clearly states that if an employee renders a continuous service of 20 years, she is entitled to a hundred percent of the retirement plan. However, there are certain provision stated in the manual that is vague and from my point of view, could be interpreted loosely by the RVM sisters. So my Mom took home the manual and asked me to read it and interpret it for her. I explained to her my understanding of the provisions and told her to clarify those with the administration. That was when she asked me to write a letter for her.

And so I did. My dad read it, said it was fine. It was not offensive in any way. So she signed it and slept well last night.

This morning, she will submit it to her principal so that she could discuss it to the administration during the early morning meeting. I'm simply waiting for the feedback. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be writing another letter or if that letter would suffice.

These are the times where I wonder what career really fits me. Those who read that letter said that I write like a lawyer because I quote and cite provisions yet my inquiries are not offensive to the reader because I have a way with words that soothes emotion rather than flare them up.

I am in the field of education. And one of my students, Obet, as I fondly call him although he is older than me by a year or two, said that I am one of his inspirations. That I am one of the few professors he admires because of my passion. He told me that I should not quit because the students need someone like me to inspire them and enlighten them with my unorthodox view of life, the world, the academe and society.

That made my day. If I were made to choose between becoming a lawyer or a teacher, I would definitely choose the latter.