Sayaw

Ang tagal ko nang hindi nagsasayaw, huling natatandaan ko college pa ko nung nag-perform kami sa PEP rally ng varsity teams ng UP. 1994 pa ata 'yun. Eh 2008 na ngayon. Nakaka-miss din, kasi natural na talaga sa pamilya namin ang magsayaw.

Kahapon kinailangan ko na naman mag-perform, well at least mag-practice, para sa Sabado. Acquaintance Party kasi ng mga bata at siyempre kailangan naming mag-sayaw, katuwaan lang ba. Remix pa ata ang gusto ng sports and cultural consultant namin. Kaya ang daming klase ng sayaw ang gagawin. Hindi ko kaya ang steps ng Beautiful Girl ni Sean Kingston kaya dun ako napunta sa sayaw ng mga lalaki. Hahahaha! As usual, masyado kasi ako malikot sa dance floor.

Practice to the max kami kahapon, at siyempre di na naman nila expected na magaling este marunong akong magsayaw. Palagi na lang daw akong may surprise sa kanila. Hehehehe! Tingnan natin sa Sabado kung maalala ko pa mga steps. Kung may makakapag-video ng sayaw namin, ipo post ko na lang dito. Hehehehe!

Buti na lang wala na dun ang mga higher years, kung hindi yari na naman ako.

Peace! ;)

If it's for me, it's for me

I've been saying this over and over again for the last week. The GSE interview is over and done with, I've got the unofficial results and it's a bit short from what we've expected. Still we thanked God. Medyo nakukulitan yata siya sa amin kasi pagpasok pa lang namin sa simbahan, ang bungad niya "Napapadalas kayo ah."

Napakamot na lang ako ng ulo.. Inamin kong kinapos ako ng pagtitiwala. Nagkamali ako. I know it would not be easier the second time around, in fact it would be a lot harder. But it's worth the wait. If I have to prove it over and over again until the day it becomes a reality, I'll do it.

If it's for me, it's for me. Nothing is impossible. I know that now. I just have to believe.

On being totally present in each moment

The greatest support we can have is mindfulness, which means being totally present in each moment. If the mind remains centered, it cannot make up stories about the injustice of the world or one's friends, or about one's desires or sorrows. All these stories could fill many volumes, but when we are mindful such verbalizations stop. Being mindful means being fully absorbed in the moment, leaving no room for anything else. We are filled with the momentary happening, whatever it is--standing or sitting or lying down, feeling pleasure or pain--and we maintain a nonjudgmental awareness, a "just knowing."

- Ayya Khema, "Be an Island"

Trinoma pix

with Stine, Jhing and of course my Nurse..

Ang kulit ni Stine, balak pa ata ako halikan sa leeg! Kaya pala naka-ilang take si Jhing, tawa kasi ng tawa.

Saling-pusa ako.. OP ba? Hehehe..

Isang araw sa Malolos

Habang tumitirada si Frank sa Gitnang Luzon kabado akong nagbibihis at nagpi-prepare para sa interview ng GSE Outbound Team for District 7350.

Ang lakas ng ulan!
Oo nga, wala ka pa mandin dalang payong. Naka-puting pants ka pa.
Di bale, papa-assist na lang ako sa baba. You want breakfast?
Sige, order ka na rin ng kape mo ha?
Ok.

Tok tok tok.. pagbukas ng pinto, andun na ang kape.

Kape lang? Asan na 'yung breakfast?
Isusunod ko na lang po.
Sige, thank you. Paki-akyat na lang ha?

Pagkasara ko ng pinto..

Uminom ka na ng kape mo, baka ma-late ka. Ang lakas na ng ulan.
Opo.
Good luck baby, break a leg.
Thanks, I love you.

Pagbaba ng room, andun si waiter. In-escort-an ako hanggang sakayan.

Lakas po ng ulan, ingat kayo.
Oo nga eh, thank you ha. Paki-akyat mo na lang pagkain sa taas.

Pagdating ko sa Max's Malolos, natanggap ko 'tong message:

Binigyan ko ng tip 'yung waiter. Nag-thank you ako dahil inassist ka niya. Ask niya kung kapatid kita, sabi ko hindi, asawa. Natulala ng 10 seconds! Muntik na nga ako matawa nung natulala siya. Serious kasi ako nung sinabi ko na asawa kita. Kaya malamang maya titingnan ka nun hekhek! O di kaya tsismis na 'yun sa baba.

Ang asawa ko talaga.. nawala tuloy ang kaba ko, napangiti ako at nakangisi pa rin ako pagpasok ng interview room. Hehehehe..

Babaero

Babaero ka kasi.

Di lang iisang beses kong narinig ang linyang 'yan ngayong linggong ito. At sa tuwing sasabihan ako ng ganun tataas lang ang kilay ko at kukunot ang noo. Simple ka lang pero grabe pagka-babaero mo eh. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako. Ano pa nga ba ang magagawa ko, huli na eh. Noon, di ko maamin sa sarili ko na babaero ako. Pero nitong nakaraang weekend, napagtagni-tagni ko na may bahid ng katotohanan 'yun. Hanggang sa nitong nakaraang Sabado, inamin ko na rin. Hindi naman pala ganun kahirap aminin, at hindi rin mahirap na magpatawad kapag inamin mong nagkasala ka. Hindi na tuloy kami nakapagsimba sa Barasoain Church kasi nangumpisal na ako bago pa makarating ng simbahan. Kinailangan pa tuloy namin gumising ng maaga kahapon para umabot sa misa ng alas sais ng umaga. May interview kasi ako ng alas otso ng umaga.

Inaamin ko, naging babaero ako. Hindi ko na itinatanggi 'yun ngayon. Pero tapos na ako sa pambababae. Ganun pala talaga, dati-rati nagtataka ako kung bakit ni minsan hindi naisip ng nanay ko na hiwalayan ang tatay ko kahit na hindi siya perfect husband, mahirap pala talaga maging misis. Na-appreciate ko na ang nanay ko at naunawaan kung bakit nagtagal sila ng tatay ko hanggang ngayon.

Totoo rin pala na kahit anong ganda pa ng sapatos mo, pag napagod ka, hahanap-hanapin mo pa rin ang comfort na naibibigay sa 'yo ng tsinelas.

Uuwi at uuwi ka pa rin sa asawa mo pagkatapos mong maglagalag. Hahanapin mo ang luma mong tsinelas, kasi kumportable ka na sa kanya. Alam na niya ang baho mo, lahat ng mga sikreto mo. At lahat 'yun tanggap niya. Dahil mahal ka niya, mahal na mahal.

Babaero ako. Pero tapos na 'yun.

I am home.

Dilated left atrium

Got my 2DEcho result this afternoon. Of course my nurse was with me when I got the result from the CMC Heart Station. I have a dilated left atrium with no evidence of thrombus.

As expected, my nurse researched about it and here's what she got:

The atrium being dilated carries several risks including:
1. Blood stagnation inside the atrium, blood clot formation inside the atrium and the risk of this blood clot breaking and causing a Stroke if it travels to the brain.
2. Heart rhythm becoming irregular.

She immediately emailed his sugar daddy doctor (yari ako mamaya nito) about the results. I've experienced both risks in the past. So, for now. We wait. Hehehehe...

Always be my baby

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free yeah
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die, no!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me

Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby


I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

Chorus:
You'll always be a part of me (oooohhhh)
I'm part of you indefinitely (oooohhhh)
Girl don't you know you can't escape me (ooooohhhhhh)
Ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (and we will linger on)
Time cant erase a feeling this strong (ohhhh)
No way you're never gonna shake me (oh baby)
Ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be apart of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby



Always be my baby - David Cook

Touch ni Ma-L

After so many days, nakapunta rin kami sa bahay kanina after ko sa office. Last time na nabisita ko ang bahay was months ago pa. April pa nga ata. Sobrang toxic kasi ako sa office ngayon, salarin kasi itong salary increase eh! Malay ko bang ia-approve agad ang proposal ko? General proposal lang kasi 'yun, wala pa kong nagawang salary scale. Ang ending tuloy delayed ang sweldo namin, pero hopefully before the end of this week ma-finalize na talaga ang sweldo.

Anyway, going back to Ma-L.. nakita na niya ang bahay. Kala ko nga di niya magugustuhan kasi sobrang simple lang nun. Maliit lang. Hindi pa pulido pagkakagawa kasi sobrang basic. Napagalitan pa tuloy ako.. hehehehe! Masyado daw ako. Madali naman daw pagandahin. Kailangan lang ang magic touch niya. Natuwa nga ako bigla kasi meron na akong nakakausap about designs and everything. Mahirap din kasing kausap ang sarili mo ha! Hehehe..

Pinagalitan din niya ako kasi sobrang kuripot ko daw.. nakakita kasi kami ng designs para sa ilaw. Eh sabi ko gawa lang 'yun sa wire, pwede kong gawin. Muntik na ata siya mabilaukan sa pagkain habang nasa La Mesa Grill kami sa Trinoma. Hehehehe!

It soothes me that I have Ma-L kahit na sinasabi niyang si Hitler daw ako at HB (as in high blood). Ganun talaga eh. Nothing beats the original.

;)

Tutubi sa puso ko..

For the nth time I got the impression that something is wrong with me. Yeah, yeah.. I know that I am weird but when it comes to my health, expect the worst. Yesterday I forgot to watch my diet and indulged myself in eating pork sisig at Congo Grille, MOA. After almost eating half of it my nurse noticed that I was having trouble breathing. I heard the usual Are you okay baby? as she put her hand over my left chest to feel my heartbeat. I said I was okay but she said my heartbeat is faster than usual. Tama na 'yang sisig, itong tuna belly na lang kainin mo. So, I did that.

Today I went to school because we need to see to it that everything is all set for tomorrow's faculty orientation and of course the first day of classes. I know it's a holiday but duty calls, so I stayed at the office for six hours. When I got home, my dad noticed my eyes. Malamlam na naman daw. So he asked Tito Erni (now a licensed alternative doctor for DOH) to check me out. Pinulsuhan ako, sabay sabi na magpa-check daw ako. May blockade na naman daw kasi at pwedeng magka-internal damage kapag pinatagal ko pa. Told him that I would consult my doctor this Friday.

Kumain na lang ako ng big stick melon-strawberry ice lollies sa Silid Aralan. And then all of a sudden a red dragonfly rested itself on my left chest for about a minute before flying off. Napangiti ako. Style na style ng nurse ko 'to.

Tutubi, tutubi
wag kang pahuhuli
sa batang mapanghi.

Hehehehe.. wala nga ako ginagawa lumapit 'yung tutubi sa akin eh!

Waiting time

If I remember it right I made a blog post last year regarding my take on waiting. That through the years I've made an effort to wait for people I love. It took years and a lot of heartaches but I did all that because I love the person. But I guess that being human, I've made miscalculations and thought that I have waited enough. Only to find out that if I waited for a little longer things could have been different and a lot better too.

Some things are really worth waiting for. I know that now.

Building a case

"You are building a case against me!"

I don't know why but this resonated in my mind the moment I wake up. Weird huh? I've heard this line in my previous line of work as a legal assistant to the point that it became a private joke around the executive every time one of us hits a boljak note. Being in the government service brought so many realizations that made me sigh and smile at the same time. I did get out of that office but I ended up in another, this time in the academe. There's not much difference except for the setting, instead of working with power driven arrogant lawyers, I now work with educators backed up with political agendas. There are a lot of political appointees when you work in a government setting, I am accustomed to that fact now however I may resent it. I just learned how to swim with the sharks, I am just figuring out how to counter their attacks if and when the need arises.

So, I learned how to become cautious. I always remind myself to learn how to build a case and defend a case. There's a lot of paper trail involved but here are some of the things I've learned first-hand:

• Be aware of your role. Whatever your position, make sure that you do your job according to the job description.
  
• Do your job right the first time. Having a good record will help a lot in times of trouble.
  
• Research. Anticipate. Make sure that you know how to answer "possible" questions thrown at you in times of confrontation.
  

Avoid assuming things. Always be prepared. Evidence is evidence, so be careful. They may twist and bend the rules using the clause "in the exigency of the service" so try to do things by the book.

In the end, you just have to wish yourself some luck. Hehehehe! Don't worry, I did it. So can you.

Aftermath

I was down on sleep mode the entire Sunday afternoon. I realized I've got fever at around seven in the evening after I woke up, feeling ko kasi umaapoy ang higaan ko sa sobrang init kahit naka-A/C na ako so I grabbed the thermometer and checked my temperature. It was 38.5, so I took my meds and slept once again.

This morning, my tummy still hurt. I even went to the office not wanting to skip office work for I know that I've got a lot of things at my side of the table. Finished it at around one in the afternoon and then I went home. I still got intestinal flu and my tummy hurts like hell.

Five hours is not enough for me to get over this. Hehehehe!

On QD, BID, TID & Sex and the City

After watching Sex and the City last weekend I pampered myself with my much needed "energizer" in seclusion. It was fun. Exciting and relaxing. A few hours after I thought of my medications and remembered the following: QD for daily, BID for twice a day, TID for thrice a day. A naughty thought brewed in my mind as an aftermath of Samantha Jones' tirades in Sex and the City the Movie.

I started having sex on a daily basis when I was 26, in medical terms that's QID. After a few months, QD became BID (one in the morning before going to work and then another before going home). It escalated to TID and by the time I was 27 and on certain occasions I even had it every two hours! Which makes me wonder, how can I stand having no sexual activity at all for six months (just like Steve, that's why he did it with another girl) more so a year?

Well, it all boils down to "control" and "moderation" plus at times, masturbation helps ease the sexual tension.

Hmmm... this is me talking as a very sexually active person. So those of you who have known me as a professor, oh well, just stay in shock for a few minutes and get on with your lives. Hahahaha!

On a serious note, I should be taking a lot of things in moderation. I seldom drink liquor and when I do, I make sure that it's only a beer or two or 2-3 shots of tequila, brandy or wine. I haven't tried running yet but I think I should start with walking extra kilometers. Don't want to be teased as "tumatanda ka na kasi" although partly it is true. Hehehehe!

Five mild strokes (and I hope I'm not counting anymore) made me realize that I couldn't do my usual marathon stuff - no long hours at work (although at times I tend to forget to slow down my pace), pamorningan drinking sprees and staying up late at night. Ah, the price that I have to pay for my restless youth. Slowing things down at the age of 34... staying at home watching DVDs, reading morning papers while sipping coffee. I am resigned to the idea.

I could take it, just don't make me drop my sexual activity or else...

;)

More Baguio pictures

Serious ulit, wala 'yung dalawang shoding eh.

Hating kapatid sa mais. Session road.

Margarita Hall. Forum proper. Serious.

Nagpapaulan sa Session Road.

At Hotel Supreme.

Ang halaman na mistulang dugo kasama ang isang bampira, mwehehehe!

Hiking trip with Meia (papunta ng US next year) at Jeff (papunta ng Canada next month). Kung sa PAO iniwan ko ang trono ko, itong dalawa naman ang magpapamana ng trono nila sa akin.

Candid shot taken by Noel. Inside the Tam-awan souvenir/coffee shop.

A sense of purpose

I made myself practically autistic, loosely used to the effect of may sariling mundo, for the entire morning because I wanted to finish all my paperworks. I even came to the office an hour earlier to gain a head start. After lunch, I finished my task and then I started to relax a bit. Anthony approached me and asked, pwede maki-print? I said yes, because I know it was for the school paper. I let him use my computer and I moved to the other table.

Mam Regae was asking Jerwin, one of the Campus Quill staff, if they could stand up for the things they've written in the paper. She just smiled. I asked her what the article was about and so she told me everything about it, some of which I already know since they've been telling me that story whenever I had the time to listen to them. We were discussing libel and slander when she suddenly blurted out that she wanted to learn more about the law. Those who heard her looked at us and God only knows what they were thinking, sabi ko nga mukhang sa akin na naman ang bagsak ng sisi pag nagkataon. Tinuruan ko daw kasing maging radikal ang mga bata.

The discussion went on and on, naririnig ko nga sila na sinasabing dapat daw magkaron na ng political science sa college kasi marami na akong nai-impluwensiyahang bata. My former students were asking if they could shift to political science or if they could pursue a degree in law after graduation. I said yes. Jerwin asked if I am handling educ students this semester. I told her that I'd probably handle Principles of Literary Criticism based on the schedule submitted but that could still change since I've been given 5 sections at the HRM department. Lokong Jerwin, mas kailangan daw ang may utak na instructor sa educ. Isang hirit pa niya, nagulat ako.. bakit ko daw tinanggap 'yung position as HR?

Caught me off-guard but I managed to reply quickly without thinking, mayroon kasi akong gustong baguhin dito sa college. Napakunot-noo siya, after a while she smiled. So I just said, I have to swim with the sharks to be able to learn their style of attack.

Conversations like these make me realize how much potential my students have. If treated as adults they could become responsible individuals, critical thinkers albeit radical, but responsible.

Bakit po kayo nagtitiyaga dito sa Pilipinas? Another question, another quick reply..

It's because of you guys that I am here. I feel that I am responsible for making you realize that you are indeed the hope of this nation. Make me proud.

Ego booster

Got this message from one of my OLFU friends which made me smile even for a while..

prang iba ng itsura mo ngaun sa pic, lalo kang gumugwapo hehe.. buti nmn nkkpgliwaliw kn. basta wag u n ppbayaan sarili u. gudluck sa mga forum ek ek mo, hehe..

Sometimes it pays off to be kind. Can lift up your spirits in times of despair.

On being aware

When the ear hears, observe the mind. Does it get caught up and make a story out of the sound? Is it disturbed? You can know this, stay with it, be aware. At times you may want to escape from the sounds, but that is not the way out. You must escape through awareness.

- Ajahn Chah, "Still Forest Pool"

I have observed that for the past few months I tend to react on things abruptly. This is very unusual of me since I have always tried to give the other party the benefit of the doubt. I really don't know why but lately I've been feeling jealous about people and things. I guess that's really how it is when you love a person that bad.

Kaya pag hindi ako agad nag-react, hindi ibig sabihin na dini-deadma kita. It's just that I am processing my feelings. Kasi ayokong mabigla ka.

Tam-awan snapshots

When facing the end, generally beautiful scenes appear. According to your mental inclinations, the most impressive are experienced first. If you do not do bad things right now, then there will be no unpleasant scenes when you face death. Even if there are some unpleasant scenes, they too will change into pleasant scenes.

- Pai-chang

Art installation

Sige Noel, makisama ka sa Bulol

Teka, yan ba ang aakyatin? Maiiwan na lang ako dito... at nagpa-iwan nga si Joey

At the souvenir shop, si Lemar. Isang OJT.

Kape

Office ng Chaun Foundation

Luccong fertility hut, di namin napasok agad kasi may naka-check in nung dumating kami. Hehehehe!

Dreamcatcher

Moscovado sugar

Syempre, ako.

Pagpasok mo pa lang, ito ang tatambad sa 'yo. Hehehehe.

Me, Jeffy, Meia and Mam Ophen

Bridge, aliw!

Ang bibong-bibo na si Rannie

Meet Bulol

Kapatid mo?