When the Muse refuses to come..

then I do not seek. I keep silent. I stay fixed. I breathe.

That's what I've been doing for the past years. I do not seek my Muse because she wishes not to. All along she was staring at me, looking at me straight in the eye and waiting for me to notice her.

Alas, tonight I saw the look in her eyes. I have wandered for too long, and she just stayed right in front of me. Taking back steps as I move forward towards her, still not noticing her. No, she doesn't want to make any sound. She was just right there in front of me. Looking at me in the eye, wanting me to exhale all the negative elements bottled up inside of me. Yet she couldn't, more so wouldn't show me. I have to do it myself. I have to let the spirits out. I have to pop the cork and set them all free.

And so I am. Free from all the anger and pain. The disappointments and fears. I am me. Aware of my being.

My Muse didn't refused to come. I was the one who refused to let her in.