Destined for greatness

I wasn't paying much attention to my dad this evening because I was busy chatting. He was blabbering about past memories of me and my siblings. He said he couldn't remember a negative memory involving me except for that one incident when they made me wear a skirt when I was in grade three. I told him it wasn't a negative memory, actually it was funny. My dad, mom and Buboy was actually talking about engrams.. their personal engrams. Dad said that he retraced the memory that triggered his negative reaction whenever a baby cries. He'd turned violent and really angry when he hears a baby cry. He said that he now remembers why. He remembered that time that he was made to baby sit my Kuya Jun (RIP) and Ate Maricel when they were babies. And they cried during his watch. He didn't know what to do and he hated myself for it. Until recently, he didn't know that it was that moment which triggered emotions and reactions. Again, he was explaining dianetics.

Mom had a different kind of fear. She was afraid of my dad's car. She said she couldn't forget that moment when my dad pulled her out of the stage while conducting (she was a music teacher) during a performance and told her to get into the car and took off with an alarming speed. Since then, my mom doesn't want to get inside the car specially when my dad's temper is up.

My dad was telling me that he couldn't remember anything negative about my childhood memories. Sabi niya, ewan lang daw nung nag-aaral na ako kasi hindi na niya alam kung ano nangyayari sa akin. There's a lot of things that my dad doesn't know about me. An awful lot.

He was asking me but I refused to answer, I was busy. Then again, for the nth time he said, "Wag mong biguin si Tito Ugin mo." I told him, "Ano?" "Sabi niya sa akin nung unang pagkakita pa lang niya sa 'yo at nakausap ka niya, mas magaling ka kaysa sa akin. I-hone daw kita, i-train daw kita dahil ikaw ang papalit sa akin. Masyado ka lang daw maraming emotional baggage kaya ayaw lumitaw ng galing mo." I just shrugged my shoulders and said to myself. Emotional baggage? I threw them all away. Pagod na ako eh. "Hindi lang kita ma-process kasi anak kita eh. Matinding kalaban ang affinity."

Engrams? I have many. I know it but I haven't processed it yet.

Destined for greatness? Yeah right. The power of positive thinking.

One word says it all. BELIEVE.