Insights on journey

While reflecting on today's gospel on JC's transfiguration I have thought of my life. I have thought of my life's purpose. In times of anguish and confusion I have often asked JC to show me light so that I may follow. But my life's journey continues to be puzzling and at times painful. I guess that's a part of this journey that we oftentimes call life.

There are things that make my journey difficult and let me share it with you: First, there is always the element of fear. Fear of the unknown. When we set sail into unknown shores, we always have this mixed feeling of pushing forward or pulling back. Which brings us to the second, and this is always the major stumbling block, the will to start. To begin rowing and leave the comforts of the shore. Believe me, I've tried to set sail and I have the oars, but the difficult part of every journey that I have tried is making the first paddle pushing me away from the shore. Because, third, my pride is killing me. While paddling, my mind keeps on racing, what if I don't succeed? What will the people I left ashore think of me when I get back? That I am a complete failure? That is why fourth, the scariest thing to do is to change. Change what? My perspective, the way I see things, the way I see the world. The way I was led to believe by forces around me: education, influential persons in society, significant others, and the likes. Paolo Coelho was very keen on when he wrote this: What is the real "I"? It's what you are, not what others make of you." And that is why I keep on living, although there are times that I wished for death to come and take me. Because fifth, the greatest mistake that I could commit is to give up. To throw away the oars and let the waves sway my boat and eventually take it, thus ending my journey abruptly without the experiencing the bliss of seeing the other side of the ocean.

And so, here I am despite the hardships I am encountering, despite the internal struggles, I am staying afloat. Holding the oars, paddling like hell yet staying calm and composed. I need to. I have to. I want to.

Because I want to see the other side of the ocean.

Because I want to conquer that mountain and see what's on the other side.